I have been spending a lot of time praying and reading my Bible and doing devotions and asking God to help me with all of the stuff that was going through my head. And again, he has come through for me. I realized that the things I was thinking weren't doubts at all. I never doubted the existence of God, I just questioned it. All of the things going through my mind were just questions, and He answered them for me. Now they are completely gone, and I am back to the way I used to be. Completely accepting of Him and His word. That was horrible, when I wasn't sure about things. I am so thankful that it didn't last long. Only a month or so. When you aren't sure about God, or when you don't believe in Him, your life feels worthless and like there is no point to your existence. Along my small journey I knew that was true. When you aren't serving God or constantly looking to Heaven in anticipation and love, you have nothing to live for, because we are alive to live for God. (cheesy as that sounds, if you think about it, it is completely true.) If there wasn't a God whom we needed to serve, none of us would be alive. And when you don't believe in the God who you were made to serve, then you literally have no purpose. I felt this way while all of my questions were constantly plaguing my mind and tainting my thinking. I felt like since I was having questions about God, my existence was becoming meaningless. And that is a horrible feeling.
I also realized that you can always come back. When I was questioning things I felt myself getting further and further from my relationship with God. I was getting angry quickly and always really sad. But when I decided to stop being an idiot and take care of the problems, God took me in again with no questions asked. Just that easily. And when I apologized, the Bible says he doesn't even remember it. Not only does He forgive me, but He doesn't even remember it anymore. That is astounding.
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