When your doubts in God grow...

  I feel like my faith has been turned upside-down lately. Never, in my entire life, have I ever doubted the existence of God. Never even a little bit in the deepest part of my heart, have I had a doubt even the size of a mustard seed. But as of late, a few of my friends have stopped believing in God. Some have turned atheist, even which is the complete opposite of what they believed before. I know that I, and nearly all of my friends, are at the turning point in our lives. We are at the point where we start to take on our own views and adult-like opinions, and not just follow blindly the ideas of our parents. It's just crazy for me, because I'm a home-schooled student, so everyone who I've ever been friends with has been a Christian. (What a stereotype that is :P.) So it's just a little hard for me to deal with the sudden changes, because I've never had to handle with knowing ANYONE who was an unbeliever.

  But, at any rate, to get to my point: lately I have been having doubts about God, I assume because my now un-Christian friends are putting thoughts into my head and making me question things. Though I have defended God at every opportunity, only now are their words starting to plant roots in my mind and make me second-guess everything. I hate the doubts! I've told God that. I've asked Him to search my heart and know that I don't want those thoughts there, but they just pop up at random! Each time I think "I really need ____," and I automatically think, "Well God will provide it." That is followed up by, "but if he doesn't exist, then...." and it's so annoying. Each time there is an inkling of a doubt that comes to mind, I beg forgiveness. The past few nights when reading my Bible before bed, I have wept until my eyes are sore just because even as I read my Bible, the thoughts like, "Maybe the Bible is just a book. Maybe someone very long ago just thought of all these stories and ideas, much like those who believe in Greek gods did." and those thoughts hurt me. It's like everything I've believed completely whole-heartedly since the time I was two years old are now things that I am having doubts about. Even each old testament Bible story! (David and Goliath, Daniel and the lions den, Esther, Joshua and the wall of Jericho, Moses and the burning bush, etc.) It really tears my heart into bits that I am now doubting each of those things that I have always thought to be 100% true, just because a few of my good friends have switched beliefs and are trying to convince me to do the same.  I have begged during prayer that if God is in heaven and everything written in the Bible really is completely true, that he would help me to overcome my doubts so that I can continue to grow in my relationship with Him. I feel like a life without belief in God is no life at all, but when I had (well.. I shouldn't use past tense because I still do believe.. I don't even know how to describe what I've been feeling lately. Anyway: ) a belief in God, I let it go awry by letting my friends' influence into my heart. I have felt so completely, awfully guilty and so unworthy the past few weeks.

  At any rate, I have been praying to earnestly that if God is in heaven that he would please help me to overcome my doubts. Over and over and over I've prayed that prayer. Then last night, I just suddenly remembered that years ago, my mother bought me two books that are from a series of three or four by Paul Little. The first, entitled "Know Why You Believe" and the second, "Know What You Believe". Since she bought them for me, she has told me that she wants me to read them before I go to college but I never have. They just set idly on my bookshelf. But last night I suddenly remembered that I have these two books. With the troubles I've been having, I obviously picked up the book "Know Why You Believe" first, and I read the introduction and knew that this was EXACTLY the kind of book I needed to read in order to get answers and to tell what I should do to respond to my recent doubts/questions.



  I know that these doubts are just on the surface and aren't really in my heart. (Otherwise I feel that I *probably* wouldn't still pray for guidence and help all the time.) I just need to get rid of them before they plant roots.

  This book has helped me immensely just so far. This man was truly blessed with the words of God. It's very insightful and thought-provoking.

Psalm 49

I have been going through the book of Psalms the past few days. Last night I read Psalm 49, and there are a lot of really impacting verses here. I highlighted nearly all of them in my Bible, so I thought I would share this passage with my faithful blog followers.
Psalm 49 in full says:
1 Hear this, all you peoples; listen, all who live in this world, 2 both low and high, rich and poor alike: 3 My mouth will speak words of wisdom; the utterance from my heart will give understanding. 4 I will turn my ear to a proverb; with the harp I will expound my riddle: 5 Why should I fear when evil days come, when wicked deceivers surround me-- 6 those who trust in their wealth and boast of their great riches? 7 No man can redeem the life of another or give to God a ransom for him--8 the ransom for a life is costly, no payment is ever enough-- 9 that he should live on forever and not see decay. 10 For all can see that wise men die; the foolish and the senseless alike perish and leave their wealth to others. 11 Their tombs will remain their houses forever, their dwellings for endless generations, though they had named lands after themselves. 12 But man, despite his riches, does not endure; he is like the beasts that perish. 13 This is the fate of those who trust in themselves, and of their followers, who approve their sayings. 14 Like sheep they are destined for the grave, and death will feed on them. The upright will rule over them in the morning; their forms will decay in the grave, far from their princely mansions. 15 But God will redeem my life from the grave; he will surely take me to himself. 16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich, when the splendor of his house increases; 17 for he will take nothing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him. 18 Though while he lived he counted himself blessed-- and men praise you when you prosper-- 19 he will join the generation of his fathers, who will never see the light [of life]. 20 A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish.


I love these verses. There are so many verses in the Bible that tell us not to store our riches on earth. This whole Psalm is dedicated to telling you what you have to look forward to if you store your treasures on earth, rather than in heaven. (One of the best  verses pertaining to this, in my opinion, is Luke 12:34, "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.") "...Wise men die; the foolish and the senseless alike perish and leave their wealth to others," (Ps. 49:10). Wisdom is no better than foolishness or senselessness if you care more about earthly gain such as money, success, power, etc. And by the Psalmist using the word 'perish', we can obviously tell that this means hell. "This is the fate of those who trust in themselves," (Ps. 49:13). Why would you trust yourself when you could trust in God? I don't trust myself at all. How often have we all promised ourselves that we would never do something, and then we ended up doing just what we promised ourselves we would not do? I know for a fact that I can't trust myself. So why should I try when God is 100,000,000,000 X wiser and more trustworthy? He knows what is best for me. He knows the plan for my life; I was not born without purpose. I anxiously await  for the day when I can do what God put me on earth to do. :)

Children of God

This video brought me to tears.

That is so powerful.

Doubts

Do you ever have doubts about God? Sometimes I do, in a way. Occasionally there will be little thoughts in the back of my mind saying "What if He isn't real? What if you're talking to yourself when you pray?" Things like that. But I undoubtedly believe that He created the world (I mean, how could this amazing beautiful and complex earth make itself?), so I believe He made everything... Except sometimes doubts creep in about whether he exists or not. I'm sure that doesn't make sense to anyone reading this, but oh well. It makes sense to me.

What always makes me feel completely awful is if I'm praying, and those thoughts creep into the back of my mind. "What if you're just talking to yourself right now?" I always try to dismiss the thought because I feel like.. I don't know, if I don't let it come into the foreground of my mind that God won't hear it? But of course that's preposterous. So a few nights ago while I was praying, those thoughts crept into my mind again, so I addressed them with Him. I said that I was sorry that those thoughts creep in there, but I didn't know how to make them leave. I just talked about it for a little bit. Then once my prayer was over, I turned off my light and laid down to go to sleep, and the following words formed in my mind:
'Everyone always asks for evidence of God's existence, but what evidence is there against Him?'

How revolutionary! Everything points to the existence of God. Everything. Birds, the sky, grass, the complex way humans are designed, blessings, the simplest microorganism, stars, and a million other things. But what things point to lack of evidence of Him? The only thing I can think of is that He is not visible. But just because you can't see something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Especially when EVERYTHING else above, below, and on the earth might as well have a huge neon sign that says "GOD EXISTS!"

Speaking in tongues

Lately, I've been wondering what speaking in tongues really means. For some reason, in my family we aren't so open about talking about God. We are all Christians and we all go to church, but it's like if someone mentions something about God there is an awkward feeling. I know that isn't how it should be. I wish I was able to be more open about my religious questions. Not that I'm blaming my parents for my complex about speaking openly of God in the family setting. I'm getting off topic...
Okay, what I started out to say, was that I have gone to friends' churches before and there will be people speaking in a different language. When I was younger I was confused about what this was. I remember asking my mom and she said, "Oh, those people make it up." and my father (bless his heart) told me, "They're full of s****." This is what I've kind of thought about it since they told me that when I was younger. But since I'm older now, I needed more of a personal opinion. Two of my friends go to a huge church where they speak in tongues. Since I go to their church semi-often, the question has been even more prominent to me.
A couple nights ago, I was looking for an answer in my Bible. I read I Corinthians chapter 14, and it pretty much lays it all out for you. Paul said  many things about speaking in tongues that made a good opinion of it quite clear.
"He who speaks in a tongue edifies himself" (I Corinthians 14:4)
"Now, brothers, if I come to you and speak in tongues, what good will I be to you, unless I bring you some revelation or knowledge or prophecy or word of instruction? Even in the case of lifeless things that make sounds, such as the flute or harp, how will anyone know what tune is being played unless there is distinction in the notes?" (I Corinthians 14:6-7)
"...Unless you speak intelligible words with your tongue, how will anyone know what you are saying? You will just be speaking into the air." (I Corinthians 14:9)
"If you are praising God with your spirit, how can one who finds himself among those who do not understand say 'Amen' to your thanksgiving, since he does not know what you are saying?" (I Corinthians 14:16)
"So if the whole church comes together and everyone speaks in tongues, and some who do not understand or some unbelievers come in, will they not say that you are out of your mind?" (I Corinthians 14:23)
I Corinthians 14 says many other things about it, but those were the main verses that stuck out to me.
After reading these things, I was still slightly confused though, because I knew that speaking in tongues was a spiritual gift. So why would a spiritual gift be bad?

I addressed these questions to my small group at church last night, and my small group leader said, "OH! I have a paper about why our church doesn't condone speaking in tongues! Let me go get it!" So she read it to me and read some of the scripture from I Corinthians 14 again. But her paper from the church explained that they do not speak in tongues during services because speaking in tongues is a spiritual gift that is meant to be private, not broadcasted to the whole church body. Speaking in tongues is meant to be a private, intense prayer between only you and God.

And now I have my own opinion. It's amazing, the things that you can ask God about in prayer, and then he will answer those questions so plainly and openly.