Solitude-

"In solitude I get rid of my scaffolding: no friends to talk with, no telephone calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, no books to distract, just me—naked, vulnerable, weak, sinful, deprived, broken—nothing. 
It is this nothingness that I have to face in my solitude, a nothingness so dreadful that 
everything in me wants to run to my friends, my work, and my distractions so that I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe that I am worth something. 
But that is not all.
As soon as I decide to stay in my solitude, confusing ideas, disturbing images, wild fantasies, and weird associations jump about in my mind like monkeys in a banana tree. Anger and greed begin to show their ugly faces. I give long, hostile speeches to my enemies and dream lustful dreams in which I am wealthy, influential, and very attractive—or 
poor, ugly, and in need of immediate consolation. 
Thus I try again to run from the dark abyss of my nothingness and restore my false self in all its vainglory.
That is the struggle. It is the struggle to die to the false self. But this struggle is far, far beyond our own strength. Anyone who wants to fight his demons with his own weapons is a fool. The wisdom of the desert is that the confrontation with our own frightening nothingness forces us to surrender ourselves totally and unconditionally to the Lord Jesus Christ. 
Alone, we cannot face “the mystery of iniquity” with impunity.
Only Christ can overcome the powers of evil. Only in and through him can we survive the trials of our solitude….The encounter with Christ does not take place before, after, or beyond the struggle with our false self and its demons. 
No, it is precisely in the midst of this struggle that our Lord comes to us and says…. 
“As soon as you turned to me again, you see, I was beside you.”  "


How very true this quote is. I read this tonight in a book called Intimacy with the Almighty by Charles R. Swindoll. This is especially true for me. One of my largest difficulties is trying to quiet my mind and self wholly in order to be fully in God's presence, just enjoying peace and solitude with Him. The reason it's so difficult, I believe I now know. I have unresolved issues in my soul, but of course, everyone does, I believe. That's why those things pop up most when I try to quiet myself to spend time with God. They are things I have to work through and not shut out. Things I need to discuss with Him, and beg forgiveness for. Anyway, I thought this was a fascinating quote, and I hope that anyone reading this enjoys it as well.